I am preparing for a big life change… I refer to as My “Freedom Journey”. I will leave my lovely Manchester-by-the-Sea home and set out into the unknown for an unknown amount of time across the country. I also do not know where I will land. Why? Some crazy powerful force is propelling me so I am going with it… taking that proverbial leap of faith! In addition to the upcoming road trip, my youngest child is graduating from High School, I am purchasing my new “on the road freedom journey van”, selling my belongings, packing boxes, seeing clients, fixing my current vehicle to sell to my son, choosing what I really want almost down to the bare bones and of course taking care of myself. Lots to accomplish in 3 weeks. It’s no surprise I am highly sensitive and subject to overwhelm especially when I also contend with my minds discomfort with uncertainty.
I recently had a day where I felt like I had been beaten up. The challenges were coming at me left and right. And then came the last one, which took me over the top. I was giving and giving and just had no more. I was aware that my mind also had a story about not having enough energy, money, time etc. that was soaring way above sea level… that not having enough feeling like I can’t support myself came barreling through and finished me off.
This was the limited belief and illusion that created the emotion and energy drain. It doesn’t mean that the feeling was not really in my body and the symptoms really didn’t exist. The mind creates all sorts of real problems… daily.
What is the truth? If I am in scarcity consciousness would that take away from my energy bank? Definitely.
In addition to the introspective process of identifying the self-limiting voice in my head…I also took a look at how the world responds or reflects who I am.
For example: If I am being told I am selfish or cheap or insensitive or pushy, the lights go off and call my attention. The reflection is about gathering more intel to heal the distorted belief not to beat myself up and make myself wrong. While gathering information it is important not to place should’s and ought-to’s on myself or someone else for that matter. Someone else’s perception of who I am is limited not only by their projections but also their interpretations. So I humbly check inside to confirm if what they are saying is true for me … even if the ego balks. The negative stuff that gets expressed is often the result of the distortions or wounds of the mind perpetuating a false reality. Meaning if someone is being selfish or mean, it is generally because they have an unconscious limited belief about life and themselves… and they are really hurting inside.
Here is an example of the process: I am aware of a place inside that believes I can’t handle it all… that I can’t make enough to support myself and all that is being asked of me. This is where the scarcity and depletion originates. I have a recognition that this young part of me doesn’t want to be responsible for all of this stuff. I want someone else to do it. Why? Somewhere in my “little girl’s story” I want to be taken care of because I don’t believe I can take care of myself. I can’t handle the adult stuff.
Responsibility is defined as the ability to respond. What truly is my ability? How much energy can I manage? This is determined by my health, vitality and care of myself in mind, body and spirit… as well as my willingness to let go of the old beliefs that dis-empower and disable me.
And then comes boundaries. Knowing where my internal limits are and honoring them without making myself wrong… limits about what feels like enough… either too much or too little.
The little girl is growing up and leaving home. Funny I did this at 17 when I left home and moved to Tucson. I felt a strong desire to go west even then. This time I am heading out with much greater awareness, courage, responsibility and clarity. Growing up or maturation is an expansive experience. Our mind, body and energy all get bigger. And our ability to hold these energy’s is reciprocal. Or you think it would be. The problem is if our beliefs are still stuck in the distortions and limitations of how we are not able, capable and enough… we don’t believe in our abilities and value. And then we get overwhelmed, freak out and stay small.
What is growing up in relation to energy? Does it mean we spend more and make more? Is the income to debt ratio really just a metaphor for our internal maturity? And the reason there is so much debt in the world because we are all just a bunch of kids that are taking more than we are giving? We have so many desires that the mind gets hooked into that are above and beyond our energy output… the stuff that falsely fills our ego and gives the illusion that we are bigger.
How can we grow up responsibly and gracefully? How do we rise above and beyond the limiting and distorted beliefs that create overwhelm and stuck feelings?
First and foremost, recognize the minds fear and scarcity beliefs. Next, listen to and give the body and emotions an outlet to move the energy through with love, compassion and respect. DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF WRONG! Notice and allow with awareness the story or distorted belief. And take care of all of yourself with love and compassion. Take time to listen and respond to the heart/body need’s not the ought-to’s and should’s.
Finally, witness yourself neutrally. You are not the story. Take responsibility for what you have created while believing the story and make a new choice. Identify who is the one that is talking that doesn’t believe in you. See and feel what is really true and what you really want rather than what someone else wants including the mind’s distortions. Listen to your hearts desire! And let go while stepping into the unknown with the trust and faith of your heart and life.
And remember you have everything inside you already. You are love … whole and divine!